In the first therapy session, your therapist give you lots of practical information and will ask a lot of questions about you.
It’s normal to feel a little nervous about this process if you’ve never done it before. This isn’t how regular conversations go. Conversations in normal life usually include a little more back and forth sharing.
It’s normal to wonder about your therapist, but what can you ask? How do you get to know them well enough to build trust without awkwardly asking about something too personal?
And more importantly, what do you NEED to ask so that you can get through the initial nervousness and start seeing the benefits of therapy?
Most of the basics of therapy (privacy, fees, qualifications, expectations) can be researched online or gathered from your first appointment, so there’s no need to stress about asking about these.
Side note: You can look up your therapist’s license number on your state board’s website to make sure it’s active. In California, mental health therapists are listed on https://search.dca.ca.gov/, under the boards of Psychology, Medical, or Behavioral Sciences.
Beyond the Google-able stuff, I recommend asking these 2 questions before your first (or second) therapy session is over.
1: Why do you work with people like me?
This will give you a chance to see and hear what they are (and aren’t) passionate about. You’ll also get more info about their experiences than you can find on their website or LinkedIn.
2: What will we do if I need to talk about something that you don’t know much about?
An experienced therapist knows a lot, but they don’t know everything. You can build trust with a therapist by hearing how they plan to take care of you, even when they have different experiences than you do.
This is an especially helpful question if you haven’t been wanting but unable to find a therapist of a similar experience, culture, values, or identity. Great therapy happens across different cultures every day. It can happen for you too, but it helps to know and trust your therapist and have this discussion early.
Some valid answers could include additional readings/trainings, they might do some anonymous consultation with experts, they might refer or collaborate with another person to help you get better.
The list could be endless, there’s no right or wrong answer here. The most important thing you’re listening for is that your therapist is curious, resourceful, and willing to make sure that you are getting what you need, with or without them.
Having confidence in your therapist is THE NUMBER ONE PREDICTOR of therapy success.
Therapists are careful about sharing too much about their personal lives too quickly for 2 reasons:
- A therapeutic bond can be quite intense for clients, especially if you’ve never felt that before. We want to protect you, and,
- You pay good money for time and space that is just for you. We aren’t trying to hide from you, we want you to get everything you need.
But that being said, when you build trust with your therapist, you get to your goals MUCH faster.
So go ahead! Ask about your therapists’ professional self! It will help you see them as a person, and benefit you more than you know.
I have openings for weekly and intensive (modified schedule) EMDR therapy. If you’re interested, please send me a message on the contact page.